The Curious Case of Mr. Matthews

If life wasn’t so hard, it would be a lot easier.  Think about that.  What did you think?

Sometimes, life is hard because others around us make it hard.  I’ll give an example of one such person.  This person’s name: Mr. Matthews.

Mr. Matthews is a teacher.  Do you think a person can be defined by their job profession?  I say: absolutely no.  Imagine a teacher.  What did you imagine?  I bet you didn’t imagine a teacher rummaging around his wardrobe looking for his softball bandanas, did you?  Well, that’s exactly the sort of teacher Mr. Matthews is.  He has a drawer dedicated exclusively to softball accessories.  He calls it his “softball drawer.”  The contents of this drawer are face paint, and colorful bandanas that Mr. Matthews ties to his sweatpants.  He says it makes him look like the Rock N’ Roll Express.  That is a famous professional wrestling tag team from the 1980’s, in case you didn’t already know.  I’ve never actually seen him wear the facepaint.

The Rock & Roll Express - note the bandanas
The Rock & Roll Express – note the bandanas

Mr. Matthews always says in class, “Punctuality is principal.”  It is supposed to be a play on the word principle, but I just don’t get it.  There are a rather lot of things I don’t get when it comes to this man.

The chief amongst these quizzical traits is Mr. Matthews claim that he once did over three thousand pushups more than anyone else at a strong man competition.  Well, I might as well tell you I thought this number seemed high, so I asked him to do a demonstration.  Mr. Matthews face turned BRIGHT red (I’ll get to that in a minute), and then he squatted down and tried to do a push up.  He sort of collapsed on the ground and didn’t get back up.  I think he made a fart sound too, which made the class laugh really hard.

This is the only pushup contest Mr. Matthews could win
This is the only pushup contest Mr. Matthews could win

So, the reason his face turned red was because I challenged him to do pushups while Kristen’s mom was in the classroom to drop off Kristen’s bookbag (she left it in her car).  EVERYBODY knows Mr. Matthews is in love with Kristen’s mom.  So I took the opportunity to ask him to do the pushups.

Have you ever been to a softball game where the team manager wore facepaint?  If so, please leave a comment below.  Thank you.  My name is Travish.


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