Monthly Archives: December 2015

A Report on Mr. Matthews’ Class

What is Mr. Matthews’ class like?  That is a question I get asked all the time.  Well if you would be patient, I will tell you.  Are you being patient? Good, now I will tell you.

Every class starts with Mr. Matthews taking the roll.  Is it roll or role?  He calls out our names, and if we are there we are supposed to say “present.”  Everyday he makes the same stupid joke and says “Bueller.  Bueller.” Like in the movie Ferris Bueller.  Is Ferris Bueller a jerk?  I say absolutely yes!  He makes his friend take his dad’s Ferrari to Chicago, and doesn’t even let him drive it.  Then when he can’t get the miles off the odometer, and the car gets wrecked, he lets his friend take all the blame.  Ferris Bueller, if you’re reading this, I want to tell you that you are a jerk.  I do like your movie though.

Mr. Matthews then will ask for our homework, and the same thing happens ever day.  He says “Travish, do you have the homework?”  And I say “Nuh uh!”  Then he puts his hand over his face and mumbles about a stupid kid or something.

The next thing Mr. Matthews does is he starts talking about stuff.  What kind of stuff?  I don’t know, this is usually when I start drawing pictures of Bobby Eaton or look at pictures of chive girls on Twitter.

Sometimes I will ask him a question about wrestling.  He usually tells me that it is inappropriate and out-of-context to talk about that during his lesson, and if I want to debate about the Midnight Express and the Rock & Roll Express, then we can do that outside of class time.

But sometimes if I say something controversial enough, he will really get into it no matter what we are talking about in class.  Example: I said that it was the correct decision for Tully Blanchard to face Magnum T.A. in an I Quit cage match at Starrcade 85: The Gathering, and Mr. Matthews WENT OFF on me about how unfair it was!  He talked about it for 20 straight minutes!

Of course, there are many times when I leave class early or don’t come at all.  These are all because I am sick.  I said that just in case Mr. Matthews is reading this.  Usually I skip class so I can watch WWE Network or go to Godfather’s Pizza.  I wish they would show WWE Network at Godfather’s.  They usually have Sports Center on, which is good, but I would prefer to watch NWA wrestling, WCW wrestling, or AT LEAST Smoky Mountain Wrestling staring Chris Jericho and Lance Storm.  But if they would show a show about how great Triple H is, then I would say “This is worse than soap operas you dumb jerks!”

At the end of Mr. Matthews’ class, the bell rings.  When the bell rings, I run out of there as fast as possible!  Sometimes I push people out of the way.  “Move out of the way Greg you idiot!”

Now you know what Mr. Matthews’ class is like.  Are you satisfied?