Monthly Archives: February 2016

Contacting the Undertaker

Does anyone know how to contact him?
Once I got suspended for doing the Tombstone Piledriver on some kid in class

20:46 Travish i need the undertakers address and email address (this is for a class)

20:47 Celebrity Contact Libarian Hello. Undertakers are usually associated with a particular funeral home. Are you looking for a particular undertaker? In what location?

20:47 Travish yes, the undertaker. he lives in death valley i think

20:50 CCL I suppose you’re referring to the wrestler?

20:50 Travish yes, Mr. Matthews told me i need his address and email address

20:52 CCL The Undertaker’s real name is Mark William Calaway. I’m checking to see if I can find any contact information for him.

20:53 Travish thanks!

20:54 CCL Here is one link that refers to his address but I cannot vouch for its accuracy: http://www.celebritydetective.com/The-Undertaker-Mailing-Address.html

20:55 Travish excellent thanks! do you know his email address?

20:55 CCL Here’s his Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Mark-William-Calaway/162171273832657

20:56 CCL Here’s his Twitter: https://twitter.com/markwil_calaway

20:57 CCL That’s all I can find for him. I hope that helps.

20:57 Travish do you think i could ask twitter to give me his email address? i know you need an email address to sign up for twitter

21:00 CCL I doubt very much he would give out his email address. Here’s the agency that claims to represent him (his agent). Maybe you could contact them: http://www.athletepromotions.com/speaker/the-undertaker.php

21:00 Travish ok THANKS for your help!

21:00 CCL You’re welcome. Good luck.

21:00 Travish my name is Travish

Travish’s Commentary:
I told Mr. Matthews to Rest In Peace and he told me he can only rest peacefully when I’m not around.

Karate – A Personal Reflection

Hello my name is Travish.  Second of all I am writing my personal reflection s.a. on my karate lessons and my karate master.  This is a personal reflection paper.  Mr. Matthews said this paper doesn’t have to have sources but I’m putting some in anyway because I might get extra credit?  He is OBSESSED with sources.

Personal means “of, affecting, or belonging to a particular person rather than to anyone else.”  Reflection means “the throwing back by a body or surface of light, heat, or sound without absorbing it.” I found those definitions on Bing.  That is my source (Bing 1).  So this paper will be about how a particular person named Travish throws back light, heat, and sound without absorbing it.  My karate master always says that the key to winning a fight is to not absorb light, heat, or sound.

Karate can only be taught by a karate master.  My karate master says he is the only source of truth and that all others are imitators.  I called Mr. Matthews an imitator once.  My source on that is Mr. Matthews’ class (Mr. Matthews’ class 1).  My karate master is wise and all-powerful.  He knows all the famous karate sayings and is the most deadly man in the world with his hands and feet.    He is so good at karate that he doesn’t even wear a full uniform!  When he teaches us he wears the karate shirt, his black belt, jeans, and street shoes.  He also has cool hair.  It looks like Shawn Michaels, but when he looked cool, not when he looked stupid.

My karate master can do a super kick better than Shawn Michaels, and he doesn't even have to stomp his foot on the mat first!
My karate master can do a super kick better than Shawn Michaels, and he doesn’t even have to stomp his foot on the mat first!

One of the most important parts of karate is the dojo.  What is a dojo?  If you don’t know what a dojo is then you are a complete idiot!  Just be patient and I will explain it to you idiot.  A dojo is where you practice and learn karate.  My karate master says that the dojo is sacred.  My karate dojo is in an empty theater in the movie theater.  Well, it isn’t empty, there are chairs in it, but we have classes when a movie isn’t on so no one will disturb the sanctity of the dojo.  My karate master owns the movie theater, and you get a free pizza on your birthday.  Ok, so it has to be a small cheese pizza but I still like it.  That is why I signed up for karate, and let me tell you, it has paid off.

Also I wanted to learn karate so I could be like Sweet Stan Lane.  Jim Ross said he has a black belt.  Mr. Matthews says that Jim Ross makes stuff up but I asked a librarian and he thought it was true.  Mr. Matthews, you can suck it.

The most basic karate move is the front kick.  If you can’t do a front kick, then you should just quit!  Can Travish do a front kick?  Absolutely yes.  I am Travish.  Other good moves to know are throws, chops, jumping kicks, crane kicks, super kicks, and karate punches.  Karate punches are NOT the same as regular punches.  If you got into a karate fight and tried to throw a regular punch, you would be laughed out of the dojo.  Also, you would be hurt because any true student of karate would absorb your weak regular punch and redirect it back onto you with a karate punch.  You would be hurt and laughed at.  That’s what you get for throwing a normal punch, stupid.

Right now in karate I am a yellow belt.  I would be higher up, but my dad is a dumb jerk.  He wouldn’t take me to the karate trials for my test because he was trying to set a high score on Donkey Kong Jr. for Atari 7800.  My source on that is HighScore.com (HighScore.com 1).

In conclusion, that is my karate lessons and master.  If you too want to learn karate, then you should go to the movie theater and sign up for classes.  Tell them Travish sent you.  If you tell them that, then I will get a popcorn discount with my next medium Coke purchase.  Also, make sure you wear a dragon shirt when you sign up.  That’s what I did and the karate master was VERY impressed.  He said “Travish, I can tell by your dragon shirt that someday you will become one of the greatest karate fighters of all time.” Well, I might as well tell you that he didn’t say that, but I could tell by the way he looked at me that he thought it.  After all, he always says that if you believe hard enough in yourself and your karate master, then your dreams will come true.

The end.