The Autobiography of Travish

This is my autobiography assignment for Mr. Matthews’ class.  If you have any questions about me after you read this, then READ IT AGAIN YOU IDIOT.

Listen hear you idiots, my name is Travish and I am going to tell you something you did not know.  How did I know you did not know it? Probably because you are just dumb.  Dumb like a jerk.

This story is my autobiography and it is for an assignment.  Mr. Matthews said he is grading it for effort, not for content.  Mr. Matthews, that’s so stupid I don’t know where to begin.  I guess I’l just go from the beginning to point number two (2).  Second of all why would you not grade the content?  The best part about this is if you don’t grade for content then you can’t deduct points for all the times I will call you a numpty.  Where did I learn the word numpty?  I will tell you in this autobiography.  This paper will be full of stuff you don’t know.  You don’t know anything so maybe you shouldn’t even be a teacher?  Maybe you shouldn’t even be a teacher’s assistant?  Maybe you shouldn’t even be an assistant coach for the basketball team?  Maybe you should just stop what your doing because i’m about to ruin.

Thank about that.

Here is, my autobiogrargpy.  This is not just a biography because i wrote it.  If someone else wrote it, it would just be a biography.  You can source that off my blog.  A librarian told me that.  This paper doesn’t need sources but I put that one in there anyway.  That source is useless though because librarians are useless.  Not all of them though.  Some of them let me eat bacon from the microwave in the staff room, okay?  Those are the good librarians.  The other once are old women.

Idiots, now it is time for you to pay attention.  When I was younger my dad introduced me to his Atari 2600.  It is called the heavy sixer.  Think about it, it has 6 switches so that’s why.  It is not the darth vader version.  It is not a atari 5200 either.  It is not a Atari 7800 either.  A atari 7800 can play Atari 2600 games, but Atari 7800 games are stupid so why bother.  Except for Donkey Kongs games.  Those are good no matter what.  Like Apollo Creed says, “NO MATTER WHAT.”

When I got older, my dad let me watch Over the Top.  How many times I saw that movie.  I saw it a LOTS.  Here are my favorite parts: Bull Hurley is hanging out in the back ground.  Bull Hurley is sorry Lincoln Hawks is Michael’s dad.  Bull Hurley has a lot of sweat.  Bull Hurley says YOU AIN’T SHIT.  Bull Hurley says SECOND SUCKS.  I can’t remember all the best parts but there you go.  There will be other better parts even if you watch it.

bullhurleysweat

I also one time watched Friday the 13th from the libary.  It was the new version with the big boobs in it.  That was my favorite part.  Also when Jason got his mask.

I started a twitter account and got millions of followers.  That was a big day for me.

I faked my own death one time.  I told everyone that a snake ate me but that is not true.  I said a snake swallowed me hole and I did a karate punch and escaped.  I faked that death for weeks and skipped Mr. Matthews class.

One day I discovered Godfather’s Pizza.  I like original.  The other thing I liked there was they had Ms. Pac-Man the video game?  Do you know that game?  I used to play it and had the 2nd highest score in the world.  Not even Tully Blanchard has a score that high.  Nope.

My Dad met Ralph Machio.  My dad has the same bandana from the Karate Kid part 2.

My dad met the Giant and Hulk Hogan.  He met Hall and Nash.  Scott hall gave him his autograph and it says HALL AND NASH.  He also met syxx.

I dropped a big jar of peanut butter one time. This old woman gave it to me and said take that home and don’t drop it.  Well, I dropped it and it broke.  She accused me of dropping it on purpose.  I didn’t but now I’m glad I did because i bet it was poisoned.

I’m trying to remember if there was anything else to tell you.  I like Garbage Pail Kids, but they have to look like the old ones or be the old ones.  I have at least 100 Jose Canseco baseball cards.  I have to many autographs to mention. I have Dan Quale’s autograph but I don’t know where it is.  I have an autograph from Lynn Reid Banks,  He wrote: To Travis, Lynn Reid Banks.  Thank you to every one that gave me their autograph.  I had Cecil Fielders autograph but I traded it.

lynnreidbanks

Dad wears Jams and Converse All Stars.  He plays softball for some team and he has a softball drawer in his room with all his bandanas.  I go in there and wear them and pretend I am the Rock n Roll Express.

Dad met Ricky and Robert of the Rock N Roll Express.  Robert just rubbed his head but Ricky signed his autograph.  One tine, Ricky Morton called the library asking for Travish because I called him from the library and left him a voice mail.  The librarian thought it was Ricky Martin though.  That’s not the same person you numpty.

I learned the word numpty from somewhere but I can’t remember.

I met a girl at Subway and I fall in love with her but she didn’t work there any more after that.  I asked Subway what happened to her but they didn’t tell me.  I asked Little Ceasar about PIZZA PIZZA but they didn’t tell me.

Tony Schiavone’s opinion is the Anderson Brothers are the best tag team ever.  Me?  I say the Rock N Roll Express or theMidnight Express.  I have a record with both of their theme songs on it.  It is two different records, not the same record.

I am an expert in karate.  I don’t have much time left because i have to send this paper to Mr. Matthews right now or it will be late.  Thats all I hd time to tell you.  I will put this on my blog to.

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