The Donkey Kong Family Mystery

Who are these other Donkey Kongs? I will not answer that question in this paper.
Who are these other Donkey Kongs? I will not answer that question in this paper.

This is my paper on a historical mystery.  What is my mystery?  I am about to tell you.  When am I going to tell you?  Soon.  Are you ready?  Break it down!  D-GENERATION X!!

I am going to talk about the mystery now, ok?  Here it is.  I am about to type it.  I am typing it now.  The historical mystery I am writing about is the mystery of Donkey Kong’s family.  What is the mystery you ask?  The mystery is how are the Donkey Kongs related?  Is it the Donkey Kongs or is Kong just their last name?  That’s a mystery to but it’s not the one I’m talking about.

I know what your thinking.  Isn’t there just one Donkey Kong?  No you idiot!  There are AT LEAST three members of the family and probably more than that.  Think about it.  What did you think?  You thought that there was Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong Jr., Donkey Kong 3, Donkey Kong Country, and other games that no one cares about.  But the Donkey Kongs in those games aren’t always the SAME Donkey Kongs.

In Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong is not really a donkey, that’s just his name.  And you get to fight him in this video game.  He steals Pauline.  You play as Jumpman and you try to save her.  No matter how hard you try you never save her.

In King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters they play Donkey Kong.  Billy Mitchell sells hot sauce and wears a American flag tie and set the world record in Donkey Kong in 1982.  In the movie Steve Weeb breaks the record but they disallow it because there is a white gummy substance on the right half of the right side of the board and he got the board from Mr. Awesome.  Twin Galaxies won’t recognize Mr. Awesome’s missile command score.  Then Steve Weeb got a Donkey Kong kill screen.  Billy Mitchell got mad when Steve Weeb and Foot Division guy go to eat at his restaurant.  Foot Division guy abbreviates.  Do you abbreviate?  Do you say Paperboy or Paper?  Steve Weeb broke the record at the end of the movie.

P.S. King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters is a primary source for my paper and Mr. Matthews said we needed primary sources.

P.P.S. I have the second highest score in Ms. Pac-Man in the world.

Second of all, that is Donkey Kong.  In Donkey Kong Jr. you play as Donkey Kong Jr.  He is the son of Donkey Kong and that is a fact because it says so in Saturday Supercade.  Is Saturday Supercade a primary source or a secondary source?

In Donkey Kong 3 you play as Stanley the Bugman and you have to spray bug spray on Donkey Kong.  Is this the SAME Donkey Kong from Donkey Kong.  I say absolutely yes.  Stanley the Bugman was in a episode of Donkey Kong on Saturday Supercade.

In Donkey Kong Country you play AS Donkey Kong.  You also can play as Diddy Kong if you really want to.  At the beginning an old gorilla is on top of some beams.  That is the original Donkey Kong!  Then a DIFFERENT Donkey Kong comes and knocks him off the beams.  That is the Donkey Kong you play as in the game.  This new Donkey Kong is the grandson of the original Donkey Kong.  He is the son of Donkey Kong Jr.  Is he Donkey Kong the 3rd?  But how is Diddy Kong related to the Donkey Kongs?  Who cares about Diddy Kong you dumb jerk!

I know this information about the Donkey Kong family tree is right because I asked a libarian and she found a picture on Google.  There were other Donkey Kong family members but those are from other games and are stupid, ok?

In conclusion, the Donkey Kong family is like this: Donkey Kong à Donkey Kong Jr. à Donkey Kong from Donkey Kong Country.  Case closed.  Thank you my name is Travish.


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